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Difficulty with anxiety over waiting for exam marks

Hi there,

I am having difficulty with the anxiety of waiting for an exam mark.  It’s gotten so bad that I will spend hours on the Blackboard site and I refresh the site constantly on the day that I think my instructor is going to be posting the grades.  I am afraid of letting myself down, and strangely I am also scared of letting my instructor down.  For the most part I feel that my instructors hold high expectations for me, and that’s great and all, but I am also worried about not only disappointing myself, but my instructor(s) too.

Usually I do well on exams, but I always feel unsure in the waiting period.  I’ve been rejected from grad school once and I’ve returned to undergrad to get more experience and schooling in the field I want to study, and to make myself a more competitive applicant.  I know my desired path is my dream and passion, and I am willing to work hard and do whatever it takes to make my dreams a reality.  However, in doing so I know grad schools are going to look at my most recent marks and scoring top marks are insanely important for this reason.  I don’t think I can handle getting rejected from grad school again when my time is done at MRU, and I think this is where some of the extra pressure on myself comes from I think.

Anyways, what would you suggest to reduce the anxiety experienced while waiting for a grade?  I know realistically the test is over, and what’s done in done, but I always second guess my answers after, question whether I did things right or wrong, and dwell on the exam.  In reality I know this isn’t healthy, but I am not sure what to do to overcome this feeling and obsessive checking of blackboard.  Do you have any wise words of wisdom or advice for me?

Thank you for your question. You have raised an important issue and many students have similar struggles.

It is not unusual for anxiety to pop up in response to things that are very important to us, in particular in situations where there are high expectations for our performance. As you identified, the pressure can come from both outside sources (professors, grad school entrance requirements) and internal sources (pursuing something important, having high expectations, or even perfectionism). The fact that you are pursuing your dream means anxiety is likely to pop up at times to let you know that this is really important to you and to encourage you to stay focused, prepare for exams, and review past behavior to learn from any mistakes. A certain amount of nervous energy can actually help us perform at our best. Click this link to watch a video about the benefits of stress, how to make stress our friend and how to cope with stress: https://www.ted.com/talks/kelly_mcgonigal_how_to_make_stress_your_friend

However, there are times when anxiety can take over and “run the show”. At these times, anxiety can be like a toddler that demands and tantrums for candy bars every time we take the child into the store. Only anxiety doesn’t (typically) want candy bars. Rather, anxiety demands that we give it lots of attention (worrying, catastrophizing) or demands that we engage in behaviours (like checking, reviewing, dwelling). These types of behaviours may be effective in appeasing anxiety. This can be adaptive, when thinking about the future and potential problems or danger can help us to figure out plans to either avoid danger or identify back up plans to deal with difficult situations. Reviewing past behaviours and identifying mistakes can help us to learn and make improvements. The problem is that anxiety can run amok and demand constant worrying, checking, and reviewing. In these situations, if we give into anxiety’s demands each time anxiety demands we act in a certain way, we have inadvertently reinforced anxiety. Just like when we give the toddler a candy bar to stop the tantrum – the toddler calms down in the short term. But the next time we bring the toddler to the store, we can expect another tantrum as the toddler hopes to get more candy. Anxiety may initially feel a bit better when we give it attention or engage in checking, but in the long term anxiety demands more of the same behaviours in order to feel better. Plus, anxiety thinks it is doing something helpful for us – when things are uncertain and we have no control, behaviours like worrying, reviewing, checking or dwelling can feel like we are doing something productive. However, as you pointed out, this reaches a point where obsessively worrying or checking can create more anxiety or tension and it no longer feels productive.

It can be helpful, then, to “set some limits” with anxiety so that it is no longer running the show. One way to do this is to set up a “Worry Time” once a day to tackle and challenge some of the worries. This way when anxiety demands attention during the day, you can set a limit with anxiety and know that you’ll return to it later when you have more time to give it your full and productive attention. It can be helpful to do this through compassionate self-talk (sort of how you may talk to an upset toddler) “Anxiety, I know you are really worried about my grades and are trying to help me by bringing up concerns, past mistakes, or checking to see if the grades are ready; however, now is the time for ____ (class, rest, studying, etc). We’ll talk this through later during Worry Time.” It’s amazing how much easier it is for anxiety to let go of dwelling and worrying when we 1) acknowledge that is what’s happening and, 2) offer to come back to the worries later.

When it’s time for Worry Time, it’s important to set a timer so that anxiety does not demand the rest of the day/evening on worries. Spending 15 to 30 minutes of “productive” worry is usually enough time to feel significantly better. The first step is to identify one worry at a time. Typically anxiety brings up 2 kinds of worries: the “what ifs” and the “what should I do about…”. For instance, if anxiety is bringing up the worry: “what if I failed the exam” then we can ask ourselves the following questions:

What is the probability that the thing I am worrying about is really going to happen?

  1. What is the specific outcome that I am worried about?
  2. What do I already know that can help me determine how likely this fear is to come true (e.g. things I have heard from others, read, or already experienced myself). Include all the data you can with both positive and negative.
  3. Considering the data, what is my best estimate that this outcome is actually going to happen? (rate from 0% to 100%)

In this first step, we are challenging the probability that something bad is going to happen. Anxiety has a way of feeling “certain” that bad things are 100% likely to happen, especially in those moments when anxiety is running the show and releasing lots of adrenaline into our body. When we talk back to anxiety and offer a broader perspective, this can bring you a bit more reassurance or calm.

The second step is turn unproductive worry into a more productive “back-up planning”. We can ask ourselves the following question:

  • Even if it does happen, would it be so catastrophic? What would I do to cope?

As an example, let’s take a look at the worry “what if I failed the exam?”

What is the probability that the thing I am worrying about is really going to happen?

1.What is the specific outcome that I am worried about?

  I am worried that I failed the exam

2. What do I already know that can help me determine how likely this fear is to come true (e.g. things I have heard from others, read, or already experienced myself). Include all the data you can with both positive and negative.

   Negative data: I struggled with some of the questions, some people in the class put down a different answer than I did on one of the questions

Positive data: I studied hard for the exam and went in as prepared as possible, I finished all the questions, I reviewed the challenging questions at the end, some of the questions seemed easy

3. Considering the data, what is my best estimate that this outcome is actually going to happen? (rate from 0% to 100%)

My best estimate is 10% probability that I actually failed. I probably didn’t fail, but I don’t know if I got the A I was hoping for.

4. Even if it does happen, would it be so catastrophic? What would I do to cope?

It is not likely I failed the exam, but if I did, I would speak to the professor and find out where I went wrong. I could ask for additional help from the professor or get a tutor, if needed, so that I can bring up my mark on the next exam. Worst case scenario, I could retake the course to get a higher mark and this mark will replace the low mark in the calculation of my GPA.

After talking back to anxiety from this broader perspective, it can calm anxiety down. The more we practice this, the better it works. And in the long-term, this helps breaks the cycle of inadvertently feeding anxiety through too much attention (unproductive worry) or through behaviours (checking, reviewing). You can apply this process to your worry about disappointing your instructor as well. In this way, we can work with anxiety, rather than letting anxiety run the show.

For more information about anxiety and ways to “talk back” to anxiety and limit anxiety-driven behaviours, visit this site: https://www.anxietybc.com/

Outside of Worry Time, it can be helpful to use strategies like deep breathing, mindfulness, or grounding exercises to help direct attention away from anxiety and focus on the present moment (while reminding anxiety that you’ll return to some of the worries later during Worry Time). Please visit the counseling webpage for guided meditations. Finally, anxiety can become difficult to tackle on your own. Please, do seek additional support if these strategies are not working for you.

Stephanie Sikorski, Registered Psychologist

MRU Student Counselling Services