I played hockey…

In junior high, I played hockey in the minor league, and the stars of my team who attended my school were friends of mine. I was a new arrival to the school, and these guys did their best to make me feel at home.

When the next season of hockey started, I decided to stop playing because the new stage of hockey that incorporated hit-hockey began to frustrate me since I am not a physically powerful guy. At school the stars of the team, who used to make me feel at home, began to either ignore or intimidate me. If I walked down the hall alone, the guys would sometimes buff up their chests and stare me down and tower over me. Intimidating and embarrassing, because I was very apparently freaked out. Other times that would heckle me as I walk by their lockers, calling out b****!”

For the most part, I just thought they were idiots and a**holes, and I thought they were embarrassing themselves more than me. But I do know that their chastisement affected my confidence in masculinity, causing insecurity and enduring self-consciousness about the legitimacy of being a man and not playing sports.

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