Ask a Counsellor

Worries about a roommate’s eating

Questions: So I live in residence, and I’ve recently come to the knowledge that one of my roommates is refusing to eat and has certain stigma surrounding food. She needs to talk to a professional, but she refuses to. What do I do?

Response:

Thank you for your question.

It can be difficult to know what to do when you witness someone engaging in behaviors that may be harmful to themselves. Your caring and concern for your roommate is evident in your posting, as is your wanting to help. Eating difficulties and attitudes toward food can be complicated, and your roommate may not see the harm at this time. She may also be fearful of being judged or forced into eating. If she is avoiding eating to gain a sense of control and discipline, then having others take over can feel very threatening.  What you can do is to give her a clear message, through what you say and what you do, that you are concerned about her, you care about her, and you would support her in making a change if she chooses to do so. It is important that the message comes without judgment. You can also make suggestions and give information about resources with an opening such as this: “I’m worried about how little you eat and wonder if you are okay. I don’t want to make any wrong assumptions or tell you what to do, but if you like, I have some information about resources that you could access. May I share these with you?” Unless there is a concern about imminent risk to your roommate’s safety, which it doesn’t sound like there is, sharing information and offering compassionate support is the best you can do. For your own well-being it is helpful to remember that you are not responsible for her choices and that she is the only one who can change her behavior.

Here are some resources you might wish to share. Student Counselling Services is one option (on campus and free to students and you can check out our website with your friend if she is interested). For an off-campus service the Calgary Counselling Centre offers programs focused toward both balanced and healthy eating for those who struggle with the kinds of behaviours and attitudes you described. Finally, it is always important with eating difficulties to talk to a doctor, and she could begin this process by checking in with the Mental Health Nurse in MRU Health Services.

As I said, it can be difficult to witness someone engaging in harmful behaviors. We can feel powerless and overwhelmed. I encourage you to think of what you need in this situation and to remember that you can also go and talk to one of the counsellors at Student Counselling Services if you would like more information than we were able to give you here.

Information about volunteering

Submission: Hi, I need to get in touch with MRU counseling to talk about volunteering.

Thanks for visiting the SCS website and our blog page. I suspect you already know that volunteering has become recognized as an important component of students’ time in post-secondary. It offers a chance to develop skills, personal qualities, and knowledge that is valued on applications for jobs and grad school. Not only that, it can be a meaningful, satisfying, and fun experience that helps students find their passion and life paths. Although your submission sounded like a personal request, the purpose of the Ask A Counsellor Blog is to share questions and answers with others. Since I’m sure others would benefit from this information, here it is on this website.

Student Counselling Services does not have volunteer positions at this time, but there are numerous opportunities on our campus. To review these, the best resource is the Career Services volunteering page http://www.mtroyal.ca/EmploymentCareers/CareerServices/Students/vol_experience.htm

There are opportunities to volunteer both locally and abroad, and there are additional links that give you more information about volunteerism.

I was going to include another local website, but see that more have sprung up since I last searched this topic. So I encourage you to search the terms “volunteer Calgary” and you will be able to see many more sites that attempt to link people to organizations looking for volunteers.

To get a more personal response or support, students can make appointments with counsellors by calling 403 440-6362 or by dropping in to see us Wellness Services (U216). For general queries, you can ask at our reception desk or you can email studentcounselling@mtroyal.ca.

I hope this helps not only you, but other readers.

All the best,

Mirjam Knapik, Ph.D., R. Psych.

MRU Student Counselling Services.