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School has become a drag and I’m uncertain about my path

Question: For the past year or so, school has really began to feel like a drag. I don’t find it exciting, fulfilling, meaningful, etc. like I used to anymore, and I’m feeling uncertain about whether or not this is the right path to be on. The passion doesn’t seem to exist. How do I approach these feelings?

Thank you for your question. I would first like to say that I think most people can relate to that feeling of school being a drag at some point (I know I can!). However, if they are not passing feelings and you also, as you describe, feel uncertain about your path, it seems really important to pay attention to what is going on.  So kudos for you for not just trying to ignore these feelings.

You mentioned that you used to find school fulfilling and meaningful, which makes me curious about what may have changed for you recently. So here are a few questions that you might want to answer for yourself:  What your hopes were when you started school? When you look back to when you felt connected and fulfilled by school what stands out the most to you? Is there a way to reconnect with some of that?

This may not fit for you at all, but I wondered if your feelings have anything to do with regularly being evaluated and assigned grades. Sometimes we can easily attach our value to what kind of grades we get, rather than what first got us motivated for school.  If we become focused on grades alone, anything short of our expectations can be
discouraging and take away feelings of excitement. If this fits for you, I wonder if rediscovering meaning in school could be done through acknowledging the milestones you have made thus far. How have you grown and changed since you started post-secondary? What lectures or classes are memorable to you? How will you use those lessons outside of school?

You also said you’re not sure whether you are on the right path, which leads me to think you might have questions about your program and your future. Perhaps these questions are related to concerns about your future career? Answering the question “what career do I want” can be difficult. Student Counselling Services offers a Career Passion Workshop which helps students begin to navigate some of those tough questions. Since you are asked questions that help you to identify what matters to you and what would make a meaningful life, doing the workshop might also reconnect you with what truly gives you motivation and excitement. The dates for all of our workshops
can be found online on our website (http://mtroyal.ca/CampusServices/WellnessServices/StudentCounselling/).

There are also other parts of school apart from academics that can give meaning to the
experience. For example, being involved in clubs, volunteering on campus, connecting with professors and peers, going to the gym, or working as a research assistant (and many more). I wonder if finding ways to integrate more of what you find meaningful in your life outside of MRU into your student life, would help renew that sense of excitement you said you felt previously.

Lastly, we also want to check in with students who feel the way you describe about their overall mood. Are your feelings about school a great invitation to answer some of the questions above, or do you feel less excited about life generally? If it is the latter, it is worth visiting a doctor to make sure that you are well physically and not feeling the drag due to a lack of nutrients or other physical problems. As well, if low motivation and loss of interest persist, and you start to feel not yourself in your mood and thoughts, then do please come in to talk to a counsellor as well.

I hope one of these suggestions has been of help. Please know that our team at student
counselling services is also available to you to help further explore how you might approach these feelings and questions.

Mirjam Knapik, Ph.D., R. Psych. and Alyssa West, Masters of Counselling Practicum Student

MRU Student Counselling Services

Don’t know how to get started addressing concentration, focus, and persistence

Hi,
I’ve had this issue for a while of not being able to concentrate. It didn’t really bother me in high school because I could get by with minimum amounts of studying. I noticed when I get frustrated I usually just abandon tasks and my mind often wonders during lectures. I’ve always been told if I just worked a little harder I could excel in my academics, but I can’t seem to get myself to stick to a task. I’m currently working on a long term goal that I am passionate about, and my grades are a really important aspect in achieving it. So I think it’s really about time I address this issue. But I don’t know how to get started.
Thank you for your time.

Hello,

Thank you for sharing your experience. It is not unusual for students to present with the difficulties you describe when they shift from high school to post-secondary. The amount of studying (and concentration required for that), the longer assignments (and longer term planning and persistence required to complete them), the attention required during lectures,  the more difficult material, and the raised performance expectations, can shake us up. I certainly experienced this (many years ago!).

However, some of the difficulty you describe might not be about this transition alone. It can be that the difficulties you describe first present themselves as a problem in post-secondary because the high school conditions did not present a sufficient challenge to attention regulation.  The minimum amounts of studying required to pass, the possible parental supports for healthy eating and sleep, and the exercise through team sports, can all mitigate attention regulation difficulties so that they are less impairing of performance. In order to assess if you meet diagnostic criteria for attention problems (Attention Deficit Disorder), an assessment by a psychologist, specialist doctor, or psychiatrist is required. To learn more about these kinds of assessments you can visit my ADD in Post-Secondary blog and check out the assessment page.  I hope you will find this additional information useful for answering your question about how to get started..

In either case, you have stated you are ready to address this issue. So even if you don’t meet criteria for a diagnosis, there are many things you can do to address the difficulties you describe. It is wonderful to read that you have a long term goal that you are passionate about. This will serve you well since excitement about the material will often support attention. As I’m sure you are already aware, not every course you need to take will match your interest. It is often in courses that are of less interest to you, that students need to figure out how to sustain attention, get themselves going on assignments that don’t yet feel urgent, and persist when it takes a long time to learn the material. I also get the sense that you have not fallen into the trap of thinking you are experiencing problems of intelligence or laziness. Indeed, you seem to already frame your difficulties as a problem of performance.

There are many resources at MRU that support student success. With what you describe, Student Counselling Services will give you a chance to explore your challenges in more detail with a counsellor and discuss the best place to start.

All the best,

Mirjam Knapik, Ph.D., R. Psych.

Counsellor

Student Counselling Services

Difficulty with anxiety over waiting for exam marks

Hi there,

I am having difficulty with the anxiety of waiting for an exam mark.  It’s gotten so bad that I will spend hours on the Blackboard site and I refresh the site constantly on the day that I think my instructor is going to be posting the grades.  I am afraid of letting myself down, and strangely I am also scared of letting my instructor down.  For the most part I feel that my instructors hold high expectations for me, and that’s great and all, but I am also worried about not only disappointing myself, but my instructor(s) too.

Usually I do well on exams, but I always feel unsure in the waiting period.  I’ve been rejected from grad school once and I’ve returned to undergrad to get more experience and schooling in the field I want to study, and to make myself a more competitive applicant.  I know my desired path is my dream and passion, and I am willing to work hard and do whatever it takes to make my dreams a reality.  However, in doing so I know grad schools are going to look at my most recent marks and scoring top marks are insanely important for this reason.  I don’t think I can handle getting rejected from grad school again when my time is done at MRU, and I think this is where some of the extra pressure on myself comes from I think.

Anyways, what would you suggest to reduce the anxiety experienced while waiting for a grade?  I know realistically the test is over, and what’s done in done, but I always second guess my answers after, question whether I did things right or wrong, and dwell on the exam.  In reality I know this isn’t healthy, but I am not sure what to do to overcome this feeling and obsessive checking of blackboard.  Do you have any wise words of wisdom or advice for me?

Thank you for your question. You have raised an important issue and many students have similar struggles.

It is not unusual for anxiety to pop up in response to things that are very important to us, in particular in situations where there are high expectations for our performance. As you identified, the pressure can come from both outside sources (professors, grad school entrance requirements) and internal sources (pursuing something important, having high expectations, or even perfectionism). The fact that you are pursuing your dream means anxiety is likely to pop up at times to let you know that this is really important to you and to encourage you to stay focused, prepare for exams, and review past behavior to learn from any mistakes. A certain amount of nervous energy can actually help us perform at our best. Click this link to watch a video about the benefits of stress, how to make stress our friend and how to cope with stress: https://www.ted.com/talks/kelly_mcgonigal_how_to_make_stress_your_friend

However, there are times when anxiety can take over and “run the show”. At these times, anxiety can be like a toddler that demands and tantrums for candy bars every time we take the child into the store. Only anxiety doesn’t (typically) want candy bars. Rather, anxiety demands that we give it lots of attention (worrying, catastrophizing) or demands that we engage in behaviours (like checking, reviewing, dwelling). These types of behaviours may be effective in appeasing anxiety. This can be adaptive, when thinking about the future and potential problems or danger can help us to figure out plans to either avoid danger or identify back up plans to deal with difficult situations. Reviewing past behaviours and identifying mistakes can help us to learn and make improvements. The problem is that anxiety can run amok and demand constant worrying, checking, and reviewing. In these situations, if we give into anxiety’s demands each time anxiety demands we act in a certain way, we have inadvertently reinforced anxiety. Just like when we give the toddler a candy bar to stop the tantrum – the toddler calms down in the short term. But the next time we bring the toddler to the store, we can expect another tantrum as the toddler hopes to get more candy. Anxiety may initially feel a bit better when we give it attention or engage in checking, but in the long term anxiety demands more of the same behaviours in order to feel better. Plus, anxiety thinks it is doing something helpful for us – when things are uncertain and we have no control, behaviours like worrying, reviewing, checking or dwelling can feel like we are doing something productive. However, as you pointed out, this reaches a point where obsessively worrying or checking can create more anxiety or tension and it no longer feels productive.

It can be helpful, then, to “set some limits” with anxiety so that it is no longer running the show. One way to do this is to set up a “Worry Time” once a day to tackle and challenge some of the worries. This way when anxiety demands attention during the day, you can set a limit with anxiety and know that you’ll return to it later when you have more time to give it your full and productive attention. It can be helpful to do this through compassionate self-talk (sort of how you may talk to an upset toddler) “Anxiety, I know you are really worried about my grades and are trying to help me by bringing up concerns, past mistakes, or checking to see if the grades are ready; however, now is the time for ____ (class, rest, studying, etc). We’ll talk this through later during Worry Time.” It’s amazing how much easier it is for anxiety to let go of dwelling and worrying when we 1) acknowledge that is what’s happening and, 2) offer to come back to the worries later.

When it’s time for Worry Time, it’s important to set a timer so that anxiety does not demand the rest of the day/evening on worries. Spending 15 to 30 minutes of “productive” worry is usually enough time to feel significantly better. The first step is to identify one worry at a time. Typically anxiety brings up 2 kinds of worries: the “what ifs” and the “what should I do about…”. For instance, if anxiety is bringing up the worry: “what if I failed the exam” then we can ask ourselves the following questions:

What is the probability that the thing I am worrying about is really going to happen?

  1. What is the specific outcome that I am worried about?
  2. What do I already know that can help me determine how likely this fear is to come true (e.g. things I have heard from others, read, or already experienced myself). Include all the data you can with both positive and negative.
  3. Considering the data, what is my best estimate that this outcome is actually going to happen? (rate from 0% to 100%)

In this first step, we are challenging the probability that something bad is going to happen. Anxiety has a way of feeling “certain” that bad things are 100% likely to happen, especially in those moments when anxiety is running the show and releasing lots of adrenaline into our body. When we talk back to anxiety and offer a broader perspective, this can bring you a bit more reassurance or calm.

The second step is turn unproductive worry into a more productive “back-up planning”. We can ask ourselves the following question:

  • Even if it does happen, would it be so catastrophic? What would I do to cope?

As an example, let’s take a look at the worry “what if I failed the exam?”

What is the probability that the thing I am worrying about is really going to happen?

1.What is the specific outcome that I am worried about?

  I am worried that I failed the exam

2. What do I already know that can help me determine how likely this fear is to come true (e.g. things I have heard from others, read, or already experienced myself). Include all the data you can with both positive and negative.

   Negative data: I struggled with some of the questions, some people in the class put down a different answer than I did on one of the questions

Positive data: I studied hard for the exam and went in as prepared as possible, I finished all the questions, I reviewed the challenging questions at the end, some of the questions seemed easy

3. Considering the data, what is my best estimate that this outcome is actually going to happen? (rate from 0% to 100%)

My best estimate is 10% probability that I actually failed. I probably didn’t fail, but I don’t know if I got the A I was hoping for.

4. Even if it does happen, would it be so catastrophic? What would I do to cope?

It is not likely I failed the exam, but if I did, I would speak to the professor and find out where I went wrong. I could ask for additional help from the professor or get a tutor, if needed, so that I can bring up my mark on the next exam. Worst case scenario, I could retake the course to get a higher mark and this mark will replace the low mark in the calculation of my GPA.

After talking back to anxiety from this broader perspective, it can calm anxiety down. The more we practice this, the better it works. And in the long-term, this helps breaks the cycle of inadvertently feeding anxiety through too much attention (unproductive worry) or through behaviours (checking, reviewing). You can apply this process to your worry about disappointing your instructor as well. In this way, we can work with anxiety, rather than letting anxiety run the show.

For more information about anxiety and ways to “talk back” to anxiety and limit anxiety-driven behaviours, visit this site: https://www.anxietybc.com/

Outside of Worry Time, it can be helpful to use strategies like deep breathing, mindfulness, or grounding exercises to help direct attention away from anxiety and focus on the present moment (while reminding anxiety that you’ll return to some of the worries later during Worry Time). Please visit the counseling webpage for guided meditations. Finally, anxiety can become difficult to tackle on your own. Please, do seek additional support if these strategies are not working for you.

Stephanie Sikorski, Registered Psychologist

MRU Student Counselling Services

Difficulty Focusing

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Question: What do you do when you can’t seem to focus? Which in turn limits your ability to successfully complete assignments? What do you do when nothing is wrong yet everything is wrong?

Although it is difficult to say exactly what is going on for you, it’s not hard to imagine this is very frustrating for learning and school work. It sounds frustrating enough to suggest something is off, even though you can’t point to something more specific. I guess the one good thing about feeling that something is not quite right is that the feeling can motivate us to figure it out and explore possible solutions.

With regard to focusing and assignments, there are many things that can create the difficulties and feelings you describe. Not only is the list of possible contributions long, there could be several related things going on. For example, poor sleep due to stress adds further stress and can interfere with your ability to focus. If this is something that is seriously interfering with your performance this semester, I would encourage you to come in to talk to a counsellor to help sort out what is going on. If it is something that is frustrating but you have some time to figure it out, I wonder about some strategies that might be worth trying. Here is a list of possibilities and some resources that might be worth exploring:

Poor quality of sleep: Try our ABZzzs of Sleep workshop where you can test your knowledge and then learn how to improve your sleep. For a good online resource see: http://www.heretohelp.bc.ca/wellness-module/wellness-module-6-getting-a-good-nights-sleep

High stress: Attend a workshop on stress management; attend the consult hour with a counsellor on Mondays at 3 to ask about stress management strategies that suit you.

Pre-existing deficit in attention regulation that is becoming a problem in your current context: Check out http://blogs.mtroyal.ca/mknapik/ This is a site on ADHD in Post-Secondary. Although your reasons for having difficulty focusing might be different, you could learn more about attention regulation on this site, and there are some strategies for supporting your focusing that might be helpful.

Low motivation and depressed mood: Poor nutrition and other life style factors as well as health conditions such as thyroid conditions and depression, can interfere with focusing and the feeling you describe. You may wish to see your doctor for a medical consult to rule out these kinds of physiological causes.

Being in a program unsuited for your interest: The Career Passion Workshop might be just the thing that helps you to figure out how to go about finding a path more suited to you.

Study skills difficulties: Sometimes focusing is a problem because students are not sure where to begin with studying and assignments. Student Learning Services has many workshops that might improve your understanding of where to focus.

I hope that gives you a start. Thanks for asking your question here! I know you are not the only student who struggles with focusing and hopefully someone else will also benefit from your question.