I despised the bully I had become…

Bullying goes way beyond pushing around the little kids, knocking the glasses off someone’s face, and making fun of someone’s hairstyle. What’s more extreme? Violence, or making someone permanently doubt their self worth? So many questions can arise from the touchy topic but my next question is, why does it even exist? What compels humans to intentionally hurt people in one way or another? As humans we mock individuality and strangely celebrate it. Exclusion trumps love and acceptance, this is how twisted things have become. When I was a young girl, I came to expect exclusion and always [counted?] on being left out. I was an outcast, according to everyone else, and by everyone I mean the four girls I always wanted to impress. They gave me that label, and I wore it for years. It wasn’t until high school that tables flipped, and I found myself excluding the exact behaviour towards girls I thought were less pretty, into nerdy things and socially awkward. Why I chose to jump on the bullying train so quickly I don’t know; how I felt like it I will always wonder. It wasn’t until I saw one of the girls I hated on in counselling, crying and saying she wanted to kill herself that I ever realized what I had become. When she brought up my name I hated myself entirely, I despised the bully I had become.

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