I want to leave my abusive relationship, it’s not physical but more so of an emotional/mental abuse case. The relationship has been a secret due to his manipulation for some time now and I’ve made the mistake of becoming dependant on him so if I leave I’m left with nothing. I’m aware that I should probably just tell friends and family about my situation and they’re supposed to help me but I really don’t want that either. Are there other options? I’m tough but the relationship is really starting to destroy me and I can’t keep it up until I’m done school and can finally start supporting myself. I’m ready to leave, I just need suggestions how so I’m not left with nothing. Thanks

Hello and thanks for your question. When people come to counselling for this kind of situation, my wish is that they don’t spend another moment in an emotionally and mentally abusive relationship. Realistically, there are often things a person wishes to consider and talk through to sort out the best way to leave the relationship. I hesitate to say anything specific without knowing more about your situation, but do have a suggestion and some resources.

What I hear from your question is that you are very clear that this relationship is harming you,and  that you are aware of how the person abusing you has managed to isolate you and make you feel dependent. There are many reasons why people in your situation do not want to tell friends and family about the situation, and I don’t want to make any assumptions about your reasoning for this. However, as you pointed out, secrecy and manipulation have resulted in exactly the thing the abuser intends: you feeling dependent and like you can’t seek support from those who might be able to provide it. At some point it may be very important to reach out and develop a support system as you make a plan to leave the relationship. So that is one suggestion

I’m curious about what you meant about being left with nothing. If this is financial, you may wish to consult others who can speak to your rights about this and how to best protect yourself financially. The Government of Alberta has a website that includes information about family violence and abusive relationships and it lists many resources. There are links on such topics as knowing your rights, financial support for those fleeing an abusive relationship, and you can call 24/7 or use a chat online as well. It is often important to know the specific of your situation for making helpful suggestions. Of course there is free counselling at MRU for students, and this is also be a good place to talk in more detail about your next steps.

I wish you all the best with your plans to leave this abusive relationship.

Mirjam

Mirjam Knapik, Ph.D., R. Psych.

MRU Student Counselling Services